Tuesday, July 30, 2013

living fully aware & embracing the pain

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When the girls swing really high they both close their eyes just at the top.  It is like they are taking it all in, savoring that moment at it's peak, like if they don't close their eyes and experience the wind and height they might forget.  I want more to live like that. Fully aware of the highs and remembering what he has taught me in the lows.

I have been thinking a lot about what do we do with our pain? Pain is inevitable in life. And without pain there can be no new life.  Without pain we cannot grow.  And although I know this and it has been proven over and over again in my life I tend to want to run from pain.

But Jesus was clear: Deny yourself.  But how popular is that in our current culture? A culture that say 'do whatever makes you happy.' I can buy into that.  It sounds pretty good.  I've even caught myself nodding when people have suggested about what I deserve after this pregnancy. I start to shake my head and believe that because I feel crappy, am sick, and have suffered to carry this baby I somehow deserve something. Taken to the extreme I can actually believe God owes me something. Insidious lies that can and are stealing my joy in this. In the midst of it. God alone is Holy and deserving of our praise.  His glory demands my constant surrender. The reality is that I am being offered yet another opportunity to deny myself and follow after Him.  I am just praying I can live fully aware IN this moment instead of kicking and dragging my feet, grumbling, and complaining.  Because then I miss the moment.  The chance to see Him work.  I'm too busy shutting my eyes and waiting for it to be over rather than closing my eyes, breathing deep, and taking it all in.

The Message puts it like this, "Then Jesus told them what they could expect for themselves: “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat—I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? "

If we want to follow after Jesus we need to realize who He was, His call for us, what he did, how He loved, and what He laid down.  His very life.  Am I willing to suffer for His sake? To actually practice suffering and clinging to Him and not just hold my breath until it is over.
The lyrics of this song spoke to me this week.

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise


We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise
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What if I leaped more remembering who has always held me up?
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I recently read a story of a man who met with Mother Theresa and asked her to pray for him; that he would have direction, clarity, confirmation, and to know what was next in his life.  She responded that she would NOT pray for that.  That she would only pray that he would be able to trust in who God is and that he would have confidence in Jesus and God's work in his life.  We are so often unsure of what is next, what step to take next but asking for TRUST in whatever it is is exactly what I need. Living truly aware and grateful for everything He has done so that I have courage for whatever comes next.

What if I missing these moments because I'm feeling sorry for myself or focusing on the suffering instead of focusing on Him and His promises. What if death is the way to new life? What if I started praying not for relief and comfort and safety but for whatever brings Him glory even if it means carrying my cross? What if we all took His call more seriously? Then we could truly speak to a broken and hurting world.  Not because we have the answers or can fix anything but because we know there is new life and abundance that comes through pain. Because we have been there and seen and felt and experienced His mercy. And we refuse to forget.
Join me,
  RoxanneSignature

5 comments:

Carina said...

Amen.
I'll try to join.

Andrew Raymond Stück said...

I love that song. Such a good reminder.

I have been enjoying several posts on your blog today -- I found you through Katie Jennings, who I knew way back when. I just wanted to say that your family is adorable (congrats on your son!) and your posts have been an encouragement to me today. Oh, and my sister is currently living in Tanzania, so your sidebar translator caught my eye (I know mzungu, that's it, lol). Thanks for the glimpse into what God has done and is doing in your lives.
In Him,
Jacy

Jacy said...

I love that song. Such a good reminder.

I have been enjoying several posts on your blog today -- I found you through Katie Jennings, who I knew way back when. I just wanted to say that your family is adorable (congrats on your son!) and your posts have been an encouragement to me today. Oh, and my sister is currently living in Tanzania, so your sidebar translator caught my eye (I know mzungu, that's it, lol). Thanks for the glimpse into what God has done and is doing in your lives.
In Him,
Jacy

Jacy said...

I love that song. Such a good reminder.

I have been enjoying several posts on your blog today -- I found you through Katie Jennings, who I knew way back when. I just wanted to say that your family is adorable (congrats on your son!) and your posts have been an encouragement to me today. Oh, and my sister is currently living in Tanzania, so your sidebar translator caught my eye (I know mzungu, that's it, lol). Thanks for the glimpse into what God has done and is doing in your lives.
In Him,
Jacy

Jacy said...

I love that song. Such a good reminder.

I have been enjoying several posts on your blog today -- I found you through Katie Jennings, who I knew way back when. I just wanted to say that your family is adorable (congrats on your son!) and your posts have been an encouragement to me today. Oh, and my sister is currently living in Tanzania, so your sidebar translator caught my eye (I know mzungu, that's it, lol). Thanks for the glimpse into what God has done and is doing in your lives.
In Him,
Jacy