Before even recording my thoughts and sharing them I had to battle the fear of being honest with myself and you all, fear of being judged, and the fear of being seen as a whiny or weak person but I decided I am weak and that is when He shines brightest within me so I am going to be real. I have had lots of time to think about this as I have spent the past 4 weeks lying in a dark room longing for relief. Sharing helps me process and validate that this time is not wasted even as I am struggling to believe. I also want other women who suffer with HG that they are not alone or crazy. I have talked with other women and read their stories of those whom have endured this condition and felt more “normal” without having to be defensive or watch everything I say lest it be misunderstood or misconstrued. Many of you have asked about HG and many of you are praying for me and for that I cannot adequately thank you. There is no standard definition of HG but the typical case involves excessive nausea and vomiting, total body weight loss of more than 5%, ketones in the urine, dehydration, electrolyte imbalance, and carbohydrate depletion. And many women also face depression and negative feelings which is fairly expected when you puke your guts out and blow stomach acid out of your nose for weeks and months.
I'm only 10 weeks and I cannot help being overwhelmed by how much of this pregnancy is left. I feel like my life is still happening around me but I am unable to participate and it is devastating. You lose perspective when you are so sick and you just want it to be over. Being so sick has robbed me of being excited or happy about this baby; that although completely unplanned is anything but unwanted. But the truth be told I do not even think of this as a pregnancy yet but as a disease that is ruining my life. Almost like an alien has invaded my body and ruined my health. I am usually an active, optimistic, “make it happen” kind of person but HG steals from you.