10 years later

Last night I attended my 10 year high school reunion. When i first got the invite in the mail I had mixed feelings about going. The same mixed jumble of emotions I had about my experience in high school. I had some of the best experiences and close relationships but also remember the painful part of high school that can leave anyone feeling alone and not good enough. I was hurt and did my share of hurting but curiosity got the best of me and I had to go. Jason stayed home to watch Anni after her big day. He did his husband duty by saying he would attend if I really wanted him to but he was honest in also stating he would rather stay home and save the 50 bucks then relive stories he was not a part of. Kudos to Jason for his honesty!

I went with Josh Brown (a former 8th grade boyfriend and then great guy friend in high school). We just recently reconnected and he lives in the city as well so we had a blast driving out in the rain looking through the yearbook and remembering people. It is also almost like we are meeting again or the first time as we have changed so much. I also wanted to see the friends I had lost touch with that were such a part of my formational years. We were all trying to awkwardly discover who we were and who we wanted to become, stumbling through 4 years together and I just had to see where everyone was now. Josh and I reminisced how we really did have a great group of close friends and how little we appreciated it then.

I was worried that I would get to the reunion and not remember any names but the minute we walked through the door names, faces, and memories came rushing back and I genuinely wanted to know what people were up to. Of course there were some people that showed up already toasted still trying to live high school, some people that were only interested in giving their resume (read here "see all the stuff I have done, I am way better than you"), and some surprises but overall I am glad I went. I got to catch up with a few friends that I have not seen in years and it was great to see where life since WE-GO has taken them. I also learned that I am ok with where I am 10 years later, I still have so much growth ahead but I have joy in my life as it is now.
After journaling and reflecting I made a list of the things I would tell the me of 10 years ago if I had the chance to chat with her:

*appreciate the amazing opportunities you have b/c not everyone has access to them, breath them in and do not spend so much time worrying about tomorrow

*don't let guys define you, no matter what his affection or rejection, it will never change the way you value you. You have to learn that yourself

*be grateful for the awesome group of friends you have the accept you for who you are (the great things and the beyond dumb things)

*High school is one small stop on the road. Everyone goes through a fat, too skinny, weird, awkward, or plain stage so do not be too hard on yourself

*you cannot change other people, but you can affect change in yourself which is most likely where the revision is needed

*petty crap in high school means nothing and is soon forgotten

*love yourself more right now for who you are and not just who you think you should be

*listen more and seek to be heard less

*don't compete with others, just seek to accept & love the differences in each person

*what you do or what you have does not define you; your soul is more than stuff, take the time to discover the soul within you

*pursue your dreams with reckless abandon and without apology, justification, or excuse & follow what you know to be right

*worry less about how others perceive you and more about how God sees you

All of this I could tell myself now as well as I know I am still on a journey to become more of myself but reflection is what separates me from that high school girl.

I am glad I went. It was affirming to know that some of the people I wonder about also wondered about me. Most of all it was great to catch up (even for a few hours) with some of the awesome group of friends I was with during the drama and laughter filled ride through the beast known as high school.
-thought I would post some then and now pictures- horrifying but funny!