I'm not strong
I’m not strong.
Here is what I’m realizing: I think a lot of people that are walking through really hard things are just are moving forward. From the far seats I think we can look at others and think they have some sort of super hero abilities. Of course I am sure there are some amazingly strong people full of faith that walk in unafraid to pain & suffering. Not me.
𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗸𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘃𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘁𝘆. 𝗔 𝗹𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘂𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀, 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲.
And when people tell me “you are so strong” I feel like yelling “I’m living a lie”, shaking them & saying “I was crying so hard in my doctors office yesterday he had to leave and go get an extra box of tissue.” I was hoping to leave my infusion port in since I’ll be spending 5 days this week getting high does of steroids but I started to have panic back to my HG PICC line months so I’ll be getting poked everyday. We are trying to calm the symptoms causing real disability in my body right now and as a sat in the MS specialist office I saw many fellow warriors in wheelchairs come & go & I had to run to the restroom to splash cool water on my face to calm down the fear of the future.
𝗔 𝗹𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝘄𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘂𝗹𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗻 𝘃𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗹𝘀- 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵 𝗶𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗱𝗮𝘆 & 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗷𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆 𝗢𝗥 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗲 𝗚𝗼𝗱 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗶𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗹𝗲- 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗦𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗽𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲- 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗹𝗲. 𝗛𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲.
I need that right now. In Jesus’ upside down kingdom it is true that we are strong when we are weak. I’m trying to rest in that today because I’m weak. 🧡
Blessings to you in your hard friends
️
𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗸𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘃𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘁𝘆. 𝗔 𝗹𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘂𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀, 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲.
And when people tell me “you are so strong” I feel like yelling “I’m living a lie”, shaking them & saying “I was crying so hard in my doctors office yesterday he had to leave and go get an extra box of tissue.” I was hoping to leave my infusion port in since I’ll be spending 5 days this week getting high does of steroids but I started to have panic back to my HG PICC line months so I’ll be getting poked everyday. We are trying to calm the symptoms causing real disability in my body right now and as a sat in the MS specialist office I saw many fellow warriors in wheelchairs come & go & I had to run to the restroom to splash cool water on my face to calm down the fear of the future.
𝗔 𝗹𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝘄𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘂𝗹𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗻 𝘃𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗹𝘀- 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵 𝗶𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗱𝗮𝘆 & 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗷𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆 𝗢𝗥 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗲 𝗚𝗼𝗱 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗶𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗹𝗲- 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗦𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗽𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲- 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗹𝗲. 𝗛𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲.
I need that right now. In Jesus’ upside down kingdom it is true that we are strong when we are weak. I’m trying to rest in that today because I’m weak. 🧡
Blessings to you in your hard friends
A childhood friend sent this encouragement:
Just because you feel weak and broken, does not mean you are. Facing this disease with determination and a desire to win is courageous and strong. Ultimately, God is your strength and victory. “But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through the Lord Jesus Christ.”
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