Sunday, October 23, 2011

going dark

friends and family, I will not be here with you for a week. We are shutting off the screens in our lives as a family for a bit.


Not because there are no stories to tell or read or no pictures to share but because I have sensed that He is asking us to quiet ourselves and just listen. That is hard for me. I like chaos. One could even say I thrive in it to some extent. And I can easily blame the craziness of this place or having small kids but the truth is I make choices everyday to use the limited time I have to sometimes zone out with a show, check email, blog, edit photos, even read, etc. None of which are bad things or are excessive in my life and all of which one can easily qualify as good or even at times "necessary" things but when compared to the richness of seeking His presences and just listenin they all seem wasteful right now. And we need to hear from Him. We have a lot of decisions in our near future as a family. We have a lot of unanswered questions. And without His wisdom we cannot move forward.

We have a desperate need to hear from Him right now. For the Word and His spirit to speak to us and direct our steps. I had a dream last week....... Jason and I were surrounded by people; some family, some friends; from the US and from here. It was a crowd of people and it was not bad. The opposite actually. Like a chorus of talking, encouragement, needs, opinions, sharing, and living life together. But as I looked up from the full life we were engaging in I could see an eye and an ear in brief flashes circling the outside of the crush of people. Trying to be seen. Begging to be heard. But we weren't listening. We were tuned into the other people. We were focused on what was in front of us and I could barely catch a glimpse. I awoke and started crying. For me I know this dream is so true of where we are right now. We have not taken the time to step back and really listen to Him because the chaos around us has sometimes become too dense. I want to see and hear and for that I will take the time to quiet some of the constant swirl. I want to seek more. Talk less and listen more. I want to live a life that would be an utter failure if the power of God does not show up more and more each day. I want to sacrifice my wants for my real needs. To act in faith that all I see is not all there is. To humble myself before my Father and beg for His wisdom. I cannot manipulate this but I can set aside, turn off, make choices, humble myself, spend time reading and praying and being quiet and asking Him to show up.

So this week we are going dark. Seeking more light. Asking that in small sacrifices we gain clarity, purpose, and more Joy.

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