Monday, September 26, 2011

the latest on adoption

We were promised adoption would not be easy. And we believed it but in a way you believe something you have never lived. Like for example; "marriage takes commitment and work" or "raising kids is hard." We smiled and agreed and figured we would have it covered when the time came. Confession: I do not have it covered (marriage, raising kids, adoption...please check all of the above). The latest problem has us at a seemingly closed door and I am wrecked about it. It has been difficult for me to process how I feel about it all. But after some shock, time, prayer, and talking through it with J I also have peace that He is in control and although I have no idea what is next I can trust the One who knows. I guess that makes no sense that I can feel wrecked while simultaneously feeling peace but that is the only way to describe my current emotional state. J and I fasted and prayed together about this and He so clearly spoke to both of us that "yes, adoption is part of our journey" but that we were not to "lie" or force something through in this situation (which has been reccommended to us) even if that would mean we could help an orphan here. That in what can be a grey area we are still called to walk in the light. God is calling us to adoption, we both feel that, but whether or not that means here is now completely out of our hands and it could change a lot about our future. The details are many and the answers are few but at this point please pray for us. For clarity. For more trusting in Him. For us to embrace this trial instead of run from it. For us to here clearly, discern, and obey. It has already meant some heartbreak and I sense for sure there is more to come but God can handle it all. I often hear people quote that "He heals the brokenhearted" without really thinking that to be healed means first your heart must be broken. And the breaking part is painful. He gave us this desire to adopt and this dream bring a child into our family and He will fulfill it in His timing. We are just called to follow one step at a time. Tomorrow we take the step He is calling us to right now.


Tomorrow we will take the early ferry to Dar and hope we can meet with the commissioner and our social worker to try to understand just what this new law (that has now been officially passed) means for us living on this island and our adoption journey.

I read in Oswald Chambers.."Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you exactly what He is going to do; He reveals to you WHO He is."
So, more unknowns, more waiting and more relying on Him. We are full of hope and expectancy as to how He will use this to draw us closer and to demonstrate who He is.

6 comments:

Kim said...

The theme of our church service last night was on adoption. There were many stories shared- so many of hope, but also heartbreak. I couldn't help but think of you guys. May God be glorified whatever the outcome. Love you.

Bibi Ronnie said...

Praying the commissioner will see that any child would be blessed to have you as parents. Safe trip!

jkww said...

praying for you, and your future son or daughter! I had that Chambers quote taped to my wall for years and years, and read it like a mantra. It is true, even if no one can describe what that process of Showing is like. Love you!

Gma Rho said...

A group of dear ladies at my Bible study prayed for you and your adoption situation last night. So sorry for the pain and disappointment you're experiencing right now. But it will make the future blessing even sweeter when God finally brings you the child He has for you. Hugs :)

Beck said...

I can feel the anxiety in your post and my heart aches on your behalf. I couldn't help but recall my own situation where I was recommended to lie about being an in-district resident so I can get into Oakton's Nursing Program. I refused to do it but felt conflicted. Ultimately I stood my ground. Since then and now, I have decided that I don't want to go to nursing school, I want to go to Physician Assistant school. And I, too, am depending on Him to show me the way. I am not trying to compare our emotional situations - adopting a human life is way more taxing... but I can somewhat relate to wanting to give in to "advice" meant with the best of intentions. Stay strong with honest resolve. It will work out. Remind of it too when I falter. love you guys!

Anonymous said...

Every story you tell about your beautiful shule, every beautiful story you tell about people that have so little, but yet have so much, because they have a sense of family and community, despite living in poverty. I see it everyday, right here.....I so wish I were young enough to adopt! Whatever his plans for you are, It will be wonderful for all, because you and your family have such love in your hearts. My prayers are with you. Love, Aunt Karen