I'm not strong
I’m not strong.
Here is what I’m realizing: I think a lot of people that are walking through really hard things are just are moving forward. From the far seats I think we can look at others and think they have some sort of super hero abilities. Of course I am sure there are some amazingly strong people full of faith that walk in unafraid to pain & suffering. Not me.
š š®šŗ š¼š³ ššµš² ššµš®šøš š®š»š± ššæš²šŗšÆš¹š¶š»š“ šš®šæš¶š²šš. š š¹š¼š š¼š³ šš š®šæš² šš²šæšæš¶š³š¶š²š± š³šæš¶š²š»š±š, š¶š’š š·ššš ššµš®š ššµš¶š š¶š ššµš² š¼š»š¹š š°šµš¼š¶š°š².
And when people tell me “you are so strong” I feel like yelling “I’m living a lie”, shaking them & saying “I was crying so hard in my doctors office yesterday he had to leave and go get an extra box of tissue.” I was hoping to leave my infusion port in since I’ll be spending 5 days this week getting high does of steroids but I started to have panic back to my HG PICC line months so I’ll be getting poked everyday. We are trying to calm the symptoms causing real disability in my body right now and as a sat in the MS specialist office I saw many fellow warriors in wheelchairs come & go & I had to run to the restroom to splash cool water on my face to calm down the fear of the future.
š š¹š¼š š¼š³ š¹š¶š³š² šš² š°š®š» š¹š¶šš² ššµš¶š¹š² š®šš¼š¶š±š¶š»š“ ššµš² ššæšššµ ššµš®š š¼ššæ šÆš¼š±š¶š²š š®šæš² šš¹šš¶šŗš®šš²š¹š šÆšæš¼šøš²š» šš²ššš²š¹š- š§šµš®š ššæšššµ š¶š šæš²šš¶š±š¶š»š“ š¶š» šŗš² š²šš²šæš š±š®š & š šµš®šš² ššµš² š°šµš¼š¶š°š² šš¼ š¹š²š ššµš² š³š²š®šæ š®š»š± š½š®š¶š» š±š²š³š¶š»š² šŗš š·š¼ššæš»š²š š¢š„ šš¼ šæš²šŗš²šŗšÆš²šæ ššµš®š ššµš¶š¹š² šš¼š± š»š²šš²šæ š½šæš¼šŗš¶šš²š± šš¼ š»š¼š š“š¶šš² šŗš² šŗš¼šæš² ššµš®š» š š°š®š» šµš®š»š±š¹š²- ššµš®š š¶š š±š²š³š¶š»š¶šš²š¹š š»š¼š š¶š» š¦š°šæš¶š½šššæš²- š®š»š± š§ššš¦ š¶š š±š²š³š¶š»š¶šš²š¹š šŗš¼šæš² ššµš®š» š š°š®š» šµš®š»š±š¹š². šš² š±š¼š²š š½šæš¼šŗš¶šš² šš¼ š»š²šš²šæ š¹š²š®šš² šŗš².
I need that right now. In Jesus’ upside down kingdom it is true that we are strong when we are weak. I’m trying to rest in that today because I’m weak. š§”
Blessings to you in your hard friends
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š š®šŗ š¼š³ ššµš² ššµš®šøš š®š»š± ššæš²šŗšÆš¹š¶š»š“ šš®šæš¶š²šš. š š¹š¼š š¼š³ šš š®šæš² šš²šæšæš¶š³š¶š²š± š³šæš¶š²š»š±š, š¶š’š š·ššš ššµš®š ššµš¶š š¶š ššµš² š¼š»š¹š š°šµš¼š¶š°š².
And when people tell me “you are so strong” I feel like yelling “I’m living a lie”, shaking them & saying “I was crying so hard in my doctors office yesterday he had to leave and go get an extra box of tissue.” I was hoping to leave my infusion port in since I’ll be spending 5 days this week getting high does of steroids but I started to have panic back to my HG PICC line months so I’ll be getting poked everyday. We are trying to calm the symptoms causing real disability in my body right now and as a sat in the MS specialist office I saw many fellow warriors in wheelchairs come & go & I had to run to the restroom to splash cool water on my face to calm down the fear of the future.
š š¹š¼š š¼š³ š¹š¶š³š² šš² š°š®š» š¹š¶šš² ššµš¶š¹š² š®šš¼š¶š±š¶š»š“ ššµš² ššæšššµ ššµš®š š¼ššæ šÆš¼š±š¶š²š š®šæš² šš¹šš¶šŗš®šš²š¹š šÆšæš¼šøš²š» šš²ššš²š¹š- š§šµš®š ššæšššµ š¶š šæš²šš¶š±š¶š»š“ š¶š» šŗš² š²šš²šæš š±š®š & š šµš®šš² ššµš² š°šµš¼š¶š°š² šš¼ š¹š²š ššµš² š³š²š®šæ š®š»š± š½š®š¶š» š±š²š³š¶š»š² šŗš š·š¼ššæš»š²š š¢š„ šš¼ šæš²šŗš²šŗšÆš²šæ ššµš®š ššµš¶š¹š² šš¼š± š»š²šš²šæ š½šæš¼šŗš¶šš²š± šš¼ š»š¼š š“š¶šš² šŗš² šŗš¼šæš² ššµš®š» š š°š®š» šµš®š»š±š¹š²- ššµš®š š¶š š±š²š³š¶š»š¶šš²š¹š š»š¼š š¶š» š¦š°šæš¶š½šššæš²- š®š»š± š§ššš¦ š¶š š±š²š³š¶š»š¶šš²š¹š šŗš¼šæš² ššµš®š» š š°š®š» šµš®š»š±š¹š². šš² š±š¼š²š š½šæš¼šŗš¶šš² šš¼ š»š²šš²šæ š¹š²š®šš² šŗš².
I need that right now. In Jesus’ upside down kingdom it is true that we are strong when we are weak. I’m trying to rest in that today because I’m weak. š§”
Blessings to you in your hard friends
A childhood friend sent this encouragement:
Just because you feel weak and broken, does not mean you are. Facing this disease with determination and a desire to win is courageous and strong. Ultimately, God is your strength and victory. “But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through the Lord Jesus Christ.”
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